Weeds Are Bawdy, Morose, and Violent

Weeds Are Bawdy, Morose, and Violent
Thistle

They’re also silly, nostalgic, and crass. And when the final version of What Weeds Are Thinking rolls out this autumn, people will get to read the imagined thoughts of common weeds.

I was lucky enough to get to debut a sample copy of this humorous, adult picture book last week at the Boise Public Library Comic Con. A black and white chapbook with thirteen weedy vignettes and mad ramblings found their way to print. When folks stopped by my table, I took the opportunity to share the book with them. A few people displayed zero mirth, but the vast majority of people would thumb open the booklet and smile or laugh or smile while laughing. Then they’d sign up for Corvid Tear Media’s newsletter and I’d send the preview copy home with them.

Bolstered by a delighted populace, Sarah Ragan Olson and I have decided to postpone the final version of the book while we put together an additional six art/text combos of wily weeds. What Weeds Are Thinking will have twenty forays into the imagined minds of herbaceous lives.

Back in March, I approached Sarah with a few ideas for adult picture books. She bit when I said I wanted to play with the idea of delving into the minds of things that, well, don’t have minds. Weeds were first. But other objects and non-sentient lives are on the docket for future projects. Expect What Weeds Are Thinking to be the first of it’s kind in a continuing series.

Our streams of consciousness, our inner workings are frequently shocking and private for good reason. I wanted to write a series of pops, of snippets into the thoughts of weeds most gardeners and those attached to nature already intimately know. The first weed finished was the ubiquitous, recognizable dandelion. And I imagined the plant angry, vehemently against humanity, so the thought I attributed to the yellow-bloomed weed is all vim and vitriol. Others, like cheatgrass, have more sexual ideas, and some, like chickweed, think of puns or misconceptions due to their given names.

With luck, the full-color, professionally bound version of What Weeds Are Thinking will be ready for the masses come October. November at the dire latest. Until then, and if you didn’t make it out to chat with me at the fantastic Boise Public Library Comic Con, enjoy these three weeds and their curious thoughts:

weed, Thistle, humor
Thistle: “Look, there is a very easy way to remember the proper usage of the words homely and comely. When one is homely, one is so strikingly ugly they are better suited to life spent in the home, you see, away from windows. A shut-in, if you’d like. Where as one who is comely is super tight (if a body is had) and lickable (if a tongue is had) and darn pretty, so much so, one like this has the tendency to come a lot (if come is had). Comely, accounting for the staggering amounts of orgasms they have while sexing other comely creatures. I hope this clears up any confusion. Oh, now I’ve stymied you over the origins of my book learning, have I? I tire of you. Put your fingers on my spiny, purple bits and squeeze.”
weed, purslane, humor
Purslane: “I never wanted this thug life. It chose me. I’ve got the gray ash of tobacco leaves strewn at my base, Mountain Dew bottle caps keeping me company, a Powdered Donette wrapper as my only holmes. In better circumstances, I could have ended up in someone’s Greek salad, powering the souls attending a vegan potluck. Been a flower child who also happened to be a flower child.
But this compacted soil made me hard. I belong to the asphalt jungle. Mind helping me tip this 40 at my side? I’m feeling morose.”
weed, cheatgrass, humor
Cheatgrass: “Baby, here’s the thing. I lay seed in any crack I can find. And sure, I care for you but I can’t have you losing your sheath every time I split a daisy cluster or pop sedum. Yeah, sedum are typically slutty but it ain’t like you’re keeping it in the bromus tectorum family. This country was founded on principles of freedom, girl. We might be invasive, choking out the rights of the natives but hell, I got to ramble. Anywhere I can get it and give it, baby. It’s why I got a taproot.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed the musings of weeds. If you’d like to stay updated on when What Weeds Are Thinking is out in digital and hardcover, leave your email!