Blue-footed Boobies!*

*non-sequitur fun

I  just returned  from a mini-vacation of sorts to see my family in southeastern Idaho and northern Utah.  I know.  You’re jealous.  I’ll take you next time.

I traveled with my mother, CCro and my sis, VCro.  And when the three of us travel together, we typically raise the bar on the weirdness meter.  If I could just take a moment of your very important day (you’re probably masturbating or doing something highbrow like working at a job), I’d like to share a conversation that I had with my mother before we put her to sleep one night (we actually chloroform her on trips.  It helps with the snoring).  Please, someone tell me if this is normal mother behavior.  Because I can’t tell if we Cros are epically bizarre, or just slightly abnormal.

And this is how it went.  I’m telling it sans details, just dialogue.  I think the words alone are especially special:

“When you guys leave would you turn off the lights?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Because I don’t have Guy with me.”

“Uh, who’s Guy?  One of your johns (we’d been teasing our mom about being a prostitute.  What?  That’s normal)?”

“He’s my blue-footed boobie.**”

“What?”

“My stuffed animal.  He’s a blue-footed boobie.  You know, the bird.”

“And does your stuffed animal usually turn out lights for you?”

“No, I wasn’t talking about the lights.”

“But you said that in direct relation to us turning out the lights.”

“I changed the subject.”

“Yeah, that’s called a non-sequitur.”

“Hehe, yeah.”

“Okay.  Do you usually sleep with Guy?”

“No.  I don’t usually sleep with guys.”

“No, with Guy.”

“No.”

Pause.

“I sometimes sleep with Guy.”

“I’m confused.”

“I used to think there were just blue-footed boobies.  But then I read that there are also red-footed boobies.  I wonder if there are purple-footed boobies.”

“You just like saying ‘boobies’.”

“Hehe.  Boobies!”

“Okay, Gumtooth.***  I guess we’ll go now.  We’ll get the lights.”

“Good, because I don’t have Guy with me.”

**For those of you that were educated stupid, here’s a blue-footed boobie.

**My mother sleeps with wads of gum in her mouth in order to promote saliva production while she sleeps.  She’s gunning for a very moist mouth for better teeth and gum health.  Or something.  And thus the name Gumtooth.  I have a picture demonstrating this nightly act, but she’ll kill me if I post it.

In summary, mother told us about her stuffed animal and then we turned out the lights.  Eww, that doesn’t sound right.