People want to write comets for fun or for profit. And sometimes people ask me, “ECro, how might one go about the process of writing comets?” And I say to them, there are a few easy steps for writing comets. Pleased be advised by the steps below:

Step 1: Backstory

Comets come from either the Kuiper belt or the Oort cloud. Where your comets come from will differentiate them as either urban fellas or hayseed dimwits. (There are no other technical back story possibilities for comets unless you get creative.) Play with the notion that your comets were left to fend for themselves at a very early age, grew in dark, unstable environs and never knew the love of a mother. Or an overly affectionate chihuahua for that matter.

Step 2: Setting

Most comets exist in the macroscopic universe on account of their size. If you go with traditionally-sized comets, you will need a large setting to have them move within. Consider the deep sea or Kanye West’s ego. If you decide to write Lilliputian comets, perhaps they shall sped about in medieval Wales or in the bloodstream of a manatee. (Of course, writing comets outside their real environment causes problems for some readers who are slaves to realism. Feel sorry for these people.)

Step 3: Character

While most comets have icy exteriors, perhaps your comets will be distinguished by their sizable auras and tails instead. It is true; most comets are not physically attractive to humanoids who do not have astrophysics fetishes. Consider giving your comets a good sense of humor to make up for what they lack in self-awareness and body parts.

Step 4: Plot

Don’t fall into the trap of your comets being obsessed with zooming towards the sun. Perhaps your comets will have a preference for orbiting Babylon 5 or a high school race track instead. Orbiting is their raison d’etre. If you choose to set goals for your comets outside of orbiting, make them believable. At least send your comets on to higher education or have them become hip hop clothing magnates.

Step 5: Pacing

No need to be hyperbolic about the movement of comets, unless you want them traveling a hyperbolic trajectory through the solar system. Then you’ll be justified in your hyperbole. Think of speeding up their pace through the story. Very few readers of comets have the time to follow one comet for millions of years.

If you enjoyed this silliness, I penned the original on a copy of 6×6: Feral to raise funds for a local shop, Paperback Place. Check out www.mysteryhousecomics.com for more on the auction process.

*oh, you were interested in comics, not comets…my bad.